


The Rest

by BorgiaBabe



Series: High [10]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BorgiaBabe/pseuds/BorgiaBabe
Summary: The One That Explains The RestEven though she and Kai are getting better, Bonnie still thinks about the past.
Relationships: Bonnie Bennett/Malachai "Kai" Parker
Series: High [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091318
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	The Rest

She wouldn’t have even considered drugs as a possibility to cope if it wasn't for Jamie. 

Or at least it wouldn’t have been an idea that came to her immediately back then. Bonnie had been so preoccupied with the overwhelming, all consuming sensation of sinking deeper and deeper into the despair of losing her mother so suddenly that she wasn’t thinking of anything else.

But she doesn’t blame him that she’s like this now; just this shy of an addict, the only reason why she’s not full blown is because she doesn’t consider herself one. Her logical Virgo moon frequently likes to chime in quickly that that isn’t the criteria for having a variant of chemical dependencies. 

She always ignores it.

Currently she sits in her favorite clearing as she lights up, and inhales deeply, loving the rush; peace, and sky, and wind, with a hint of being weightless. Like being wrapped in some of the softest,  nothingness you could ever feel nestling itself around her brain, gently rising up to hug each hair follicle in her scalp only to then trickle down every strand and into and over every other inch of her body. 

The first time she’d felt this Jamie had looked at her, eyes hooded in the moonlight, right beside her leaning against this tree and said, “I know, right.”

But he’d only been trying to help. Her _best_ friend had just left her, was really and truly a spirit, sent back to the cosmos only three weeks ago and Bonnie had been thinking of nothing else but following after her.

That night when she first inhaled that relief into her lungs it had been Bonnie’s fifteenth birthday and her first without Abby. The bringer of her life, the woman who pushed her into this world, her confidant , her nurse, her joy, her _everything,_ was gone. It had seemed so cruel that the day to celebrate Bonnie’s own life had arrived so suddenly afterwards. She had imagined her Mother’s perfect body was still warm and whole in the grave as she sat in the moonlight, staring up at the star filled sky. 

She hadn’t said as much, that all she could think about was following Abby to the skies; that she just knew that if she died too they would meet again. Just like her and Jamie’s, Bonnie’s and Abbey’s True Node was in their seventh house. There was a spiritual link - maybe she would be her daughter again. She couldn’t know for sure, couldn’t even really be sure she would see her in the next life, or even the one after that, or if she’d even _know_ that it was her Mother once before, but she hadn’t cared.

_Other people did being fifteen years old without their mother,_ Bonnie had thought, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She had never even considered the possibility, having never even been strong enough to have the thought brush across her consciousness. She hadn’t told Jamie a single word about this though, her pain coming out in crying nearly constantly or just not saying anything at all. 

That day and night on her fifteenth birthday she’d sat in her dark room alone for hours, contemplating the best way to find her mother’s soul again when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She barely reacted when Jamie walked in stood in front of her bed.

“Come. Walk with me,” he’d said, reaching out to take her arm and pulling at her gently. “Just to the trees. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Jamie...” she’d begun to protest.

“Please,” his green eyes beseeching. “You haven’t been outside in a week. Come on. Do it because you love me.” She’d stared at him. “And because there’s a full moon tonight?”

Knowing the lure of a fat moon would play on her Cancer rising he’d grinned when she sighed and got up to stuff her feet into her sneakers.   
  


—

“You can’t leave too, Bon,” he’d said quietly into the night as they stared at the ripe moon. 

“I’m still here,” she’d said hushed and she could hear the emptiness in her own voice. 

“Bullshit,” he’d said in that same quiet tone. “We have the same eyes; I see them everyday in the mirror. I know them. I know  you .” It’s his favorite line, he still occasionally says it when he’d say something moments before she can get it out herself. “I know whats in your head, sister. I’m telling you. Also,” he’d added, a shred of a sad smile in his voice "soul mates.” 

He had said it so surely every single time, but it wasn’t until he had rolled her an Ascendent right there in that very spot for the first time and watched her inhale, finally see all the pain vanish, that she fully believed him. He did know her, had known that if she didn’t feel _anything_ else but the pain she had been suffering she would have been gone from this world too.

He'd thought he was giving her brief relief. He'd thought he was saving her. And he did in a way; she’s still alive. But he didn’t know it would effect her differently than it did him and it seemed nearly everyone else. There was no way Jamie could ever have known that it would eventually never be quite enough, even with his infusions, and that even after smoking ten blunts back to back she still wouldn’t be quite satisfied. 

He had _no_ idea and Bonnie never blames him, not once, even now that she needs more and more of his infusions to make it through the day. Not even when it escalates to buying pills and powders, illegal spelled creations, from people she hardly knows. He doesn’t even know now about her dependence on a few deep inhales of Equium she needs to get through every single day.

Hell, _she_ didn’t even know it could get as bad as it does sometimes, like if she doesn’t get anything into her body or even enough of anything each day she starts to feel sick to her stomach or can even start sweating. On those days her head pounds and her mouth waters for anything to make the thoughts and feelings that scrape too closely to her innards to go away. 

Presently she inhales sparkling red and purple smoke and holds it in as she looks up at the cold blue and grey chill of the sky between the bare branches of the trees. She exhales the colorful smoke and sparkles shimmer in the quickly encroaching darkness. 

Even though she and Kai are good, are _great_ , right now, her mind still manages to wander back to what Nora said months ago.

They don’t hate each other; they never could. It was just that by the time she had gotten a ‘hand’ on her Interception symptoms and discovered enough substances to put into her body to appear normal and have the energy to interact with people again Kai resents her. 

At the time, even though it had stung, she doesn’t exactly take it personally. They did still go to the same school- she had watched him grow from a tall, too thin, perpetually mildly pissed off preteen to a popular, lean and muscular, perpetually mildly malicious jock just like everyone else had, so its not like she’s unaware that he doesn’t like anyone. Not like that mattered - he was a top dog in the halls, his natural Aries essence either ensuring everyone still likes him, wants him to like them, or is at the very least afraid of him.

But towards the very end of tenth grade she'd finally built up enough courage to approach him at his locker. After a little over two years into suffering in her own personal mental hell she had finally talked herself into going over to where he was and say hey. But when she got there all he’d done was swivel his neck to look down at her like he’d never seen her before but really wanted her to go away. It had been so different from the last time he had looked at her that it cut deep immediately, although she doesn’t leave.   
She had to ask him something important. 

“You did good, in the game last on Friday.” She tries. 

“You came to that?” He hadn't sounded happy about it, just confused. 

She’d nodded. “Yeah, you did really great. It was my first one, so, you know…I’d never seen you play before, but you’re really good. I’m glad I got to see you in action.”

A complicated look passes briefly over his face and it lands on something between 'why are you still here?’ and 'why are you telling me this?' 

“Just saying…” she'd trailed off. The hallways were nearly empty now. It was the end of the day and mostly everyone were either in their clubs, or at a practice, or in extra chart reading sessions if they hadn't all escaped the building as soon as the bell rang. 

He’d looked away from her then and finished getting his book bag together, taking some worn texts out of an equally worn, brown cross shoulder satchel, and putting others in, after which he began to look through papers. She hadn't known what to do; he was acting so different, like she wasn’t even there meanwhile she was quickly realizing she was having the exact opposite emotions. The familiar smell of his deodorant and detergent clinging to his shirt was causing her to realize just how much she'd missed being near him. Even then, while he’s ignoring her, her body is drawn to his. She suddenly remembers how his kisses were, soft and careful, lips sometimes curving upwards into a smile against her mouth when he did it, and out of nowhere she wondered if they would feel the same. But every thought is overridden when she remembers the other reason she had come over to him. Deciding to just get it over with she’d started talking again.

“So, listen,” she’d said quietly “I heard you were making Equium-“

He’d barked a laugh then, hollow, automatic, but had looked at her out of the corner of his eye for a second before going back to searching for something through some papers stuffed between folders and book pages. “How did the fuck did you hear that?”

“I tried some.” And then he'd looked at her fully, eyes intense and serious. 

“When? How?”

“At a party.”

“You go parties? Since fucking when?”

“Why does that mater?” To be honest, it hadn’t really been a _party_ party. Just a smoke session at her Stardust dealer’s place that weekend that had gotten pretty big by the time she'd arrived and at that point in her life she never turned down free anything. Someone had put some music on and soon a cute light skinned guy who looked like he was in his mid twenties had leaned over while passing her the Ascendent. He had been sitting way too close to her when he’d asked if she’d ever tried Equium. 

Bonnie had said no, because it was the truth. Heard about it, sure, but never ran into anyone who had it, made it, or even sold it “It’s good as fuck," he’d said tongue heavy in his mouth from being so high, and probably drunk, his deep voice pitched a little loud to be heard over the music. “Here,” he’d pulled out a tube, like a mini tester tube you see in high school Chem classes, filled with clear liquid out of his jeans pocket and gestured her close with his hand. “It’s like coke but smoke,” he’d laughed. "But it don’t feel like no coke. It’s better, baby.” 

Her heart had been racing but she'd leaned in anyway. “Put your finger over yo’ nose, like this," he pressed one of his own nostrils in and she did the same. “Now lean in close, breathe that shit in,” he’d instructed. And he’d taken the cork stopper out of the vial. 

Green tinted smoke wafted out once it was opened and she leaned forward a little more, took a deep breath, and immediately knew she was hooked. The vapors smelled like lime, a spicy musk, and ozone but that’s not what got her hooked. It was how it  _felt_ . Like Jamie’s infusions times one hundred. Times one _thousand_. She’s sure her eyes had rolled into the back of her head a little- faintly she had heard the man laughing over the music, but she didn’t care.

She was  in the Good After. Someone had bottled the Good After and put it in a test tube. Five minutes later when she could speak again, but still high as hell, feeling as if she was floating five feet off the couch, the questions began. The light skinned guy was looking at her, glittering, chocolate brown eyes observant. “You made that?" she’d heard herself ask faintly. 

Somehow he’d gotten even closer. “I wish,” he’d said lowly, in a way that if Bonnie was sober would make her uncomfortable. He had been looking at her like he was hungry. “I’d be making too much money off this shit. Nah, some young cat. Man's like sixteen or some shit. Look like he still in high school.” 

She laughs at that. No way someone in her school made THAT. 

“What’s his name?” she’s asked still laughing. Heat was pooling in her belly, like when her and a certain someone used to be itching to be alone or when her libido had come rushing back when she’d stopped taking the prescription pills that made her not as miserable on the daily but also made it so she could never masturbate and finish.

“I don’t know,” he'd shrugged looking like he didn’t care to talk about it anymore. He could see, or probably knew, this is how Equium made people feel; like they’d fuck the person right next to them, no matter who they were. “Cam or some some shit,” he said as she’d shifted closer on the couch and adjusted herself to face him. She let him lean closer to rub his rough fingers across her collarbone. “You’re pretty as fuck, you know that?” he’d said.

“Thanks,” she’d breathed. His hand had felt like heaven, but she’d forced herself to focus. “But for real, what’s his name. Or info. I’ve got to be able to grab some of this for myself.”

“You can get it though me, baby. Don’t worry.” He’d leaned in, probably to kiss her and she would have let him but her mind was stuck. 

“Tell me,” she breathed into his mouth instead, teasingly, shifting her hips on the couch so she was just out of reach. 

“I don’t know” he’d said again. "Cam, Kai, Co. Some shit like that.”

Kai.

_Kai_ Kai ?

“Kai?" she’d asked. 

“Yeah, I think it’s Kai,” he’d chuckled a little then. “Yeah it is, cause when I tired this shit I called him Killa Kai. He’s lucky I don’t rob people anymore; I could make bank off his ass if I wanted.” 

Bonnie had laughed then. Laughed long and hard even though the thought of Kai getting robbed for drugs wasn’t funny to her. She just felt too good, and she _knew_ who made whatever it was that made her feel as if life was perfect. He’d laughed too, thinking he was just too funny for her to stand it. She didn’t fuck him that night, even though he kept plying her with hits of Equium, but only because Jamie had called and said her dad was having a fit. 

“Stay,” the guy had said when she’d hung up. “Fuck him, you grown.” 

“Yeah,” she’d said. “I try to tell him that, but he says being fifteen doesn’t mean I’m grown yet.” 

“You fifteen?”

“Yeah,” she’d said getting up. 

“Hell naw,” he’d said in return, any trying to convince her to stay dying in his throat. “Not catching that 20 for 15.” She’d laughed again but that time it was because  _that_ was funny. She had hurried home, the peak passing now, but she still felt _good_. More than good; she felt _normal_. Even when she had gotten home and her father did that angry, tired, but relieved voice, she felt ok. It was a new tone that he’d adopted since her mom had left their house one morning for work and never made it back. 

She’d been able to say sorry, give him a hug and feel him pat her head without feeling like she’d break into dozens of pieces. She'd even been able to handle it when she heard him say softly into the darkness of the hallway, “I _need_ you around, ok, Bonnie. You _have_ to be here,” almost as if to himself.

The best part was Bonnie was able to fall asleep that night without crying first and the first thing on her mind when she woke up the next day, that very morning she decided to talk to Kai, wasn’t jumping off of a cliff or wishing she’d been in the car with her mother that fateful day so she was gone too. 

It was _Kai_ that had been on her mind that morning.

“I need to know who is running around giving my name out,” Kai said, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

“I don’t know his name,” she'd said again telling the truth. “He just let me try some and it was…” She pauses. “I always knew your magic was good. That’d you be the best at whatever you did because you always were... are. But... that was crazy.” Kai had grinned smugly to himself at that and seemed to have found the papers he was looking for because he'd pulled out a yellow folder and stuffed them into it. 

“So, that’s what you want?” he’d asked her, voice neutral. “You want to buy some?”

“Yeah,” she said, heart jumping excitedly already feeling that peace fill her up again. 

“No.” he’d said simply, slamming his locker door shut and brushing by her, walking away and down the hall towards the double doors that led outside. 

Bonnie had stood there, a cold feeling in her body expanding at the blunt rejection. Her eyes burned in frustration, but she didn’t cry and she didn’t turn to follow him.  _I’ll just find it myself_ , she thought to herself, trying and failing at ignoring the voice that was screaming she could just make it herself if she wasn’t broken in the first place.  And she does find other dealers. Some are shady like the ones who sell Stardust, some are chill like the ones who sells her the pills she crushes up and snorts through a straw. And they are good; it’s all good, but none can even come close to Kai’s. 

So when she tries to ask him again four months later in the beginning of eleventh grade after a summer on the hunt, she’s genuinely surprised when he looks down at her for a very long time before saying, “$150 a vial.”

**Author's Note:**

> So guys, that’s the full story of how Kai and Bonnie were, how they fell apart, how she coped and it escalated, and how he started selling to her in the first place.


End file.
